Elements 1/13/09

Man today was the best day of the month so far. Some bboys from headhunters crew, Nasty Ray, Bobby Vie, Deja Vu, Naytron, Shy guy, Adriaddict came to the elements meeting and talked to everyone about bboying and the history of elements and headhunters. It was hella intereseting finding out how it all began from how all the bboys got started to how and when elements was formed to the creation of headhunters. Motivational and inspirational is all i have to say about what they said to us today. I will remember what they said to us today whenever i bboy "As long as your excited about the dance the skills will come naturally". Man today was the best I only wish that lunch was longer so they could show us their moves in real life. Hopefully they can all come to session with us one day. Can't wait to start sessioning after finals week. God dam you finals! XD

everyday internal conflict

Starting to feel tired of where i am right now. I feel like i have more potential and a lot to offer but i cant because I feel constantly confined to this small part only. Its like a curse that sticks to me i can't get away from it no matter what happens even if i do get better. The desire for respect, acknowledgment and discovery. I am just as determined as everyone, just as dedicated, patient, and persistent. Yet I cant help but still feel like I'm nothing and like i will never get anywhere better if i keep staying where i am right now. The only person that can help this situation is me. No one else can do it, no one else can help, only I can make myself known. And i know exactly how i can do it, i know exactly how to get where i want to be and I've had the chance so many times but every time i cannot help but lose it and mess up. Something inside me causes me to mess up every time a new chance comes along. Its like some kind of fear or nervousness inside that's holding me back. If I am ever to achieve my goal then I'm going to have conquer whatever is holding me back. At least once everyday I think about this problem and my situation. One day though before the year ends i can promise that i will conquer that fear, that nervousness and I will achieve my goals.

since

This week i have not had more then 4 hours of sleep, I'm piled in homework, I have to study for finals, i can barely pay attention in school lately, I'm always out of energy, I keep getting into arguments, and I'm stuck with my own personal problems as well. The only thing keeping me sane at this point is session with the guys, sadly I'm only at peace for about 2 hours before i have to go back home and to this hell. Fuck finals and fuck school. Hopefully things will get better after finals.

Confused and tired

Its like nothing has changed at all. I still think the exact same way, I'm still doing the same thing as always but most importantly I still feel the exact same way. I can't figure out why it means so much to me that i just cant let go. As much as I would like to I just can't. I've tried but no matter how hard i just end up back where i started. The way i feel is just beyond reason. I don't quite know what went wrong or how it went wrong all i know is i miss her now. I can't really define the way I am feeling right now. However through all this confusion there is one thing i know for sure and that one thing is the only one i know for sure. The struggle to realize the truth is a hard one.

its on

Happy new years!! New start, new friends, new goals basically new everything. I basically spent my new years at my cousins house partying and having fun. Then we saw the count down and after that we talked a little more and then fell asleep hahaha. Now for resolutions the thing that everyone has or thinks about. What are my resolutions? I have only one in mind and that is something only a few people know. Hopefully this year will bring better things to everyone. 2009 is here and its time to make some changes.